Sex in the City

So today we are talking about sex. Such a controversial topic, just about everybody is doing it yet nobody wants to talk about it. Well let’s take a look at the facts:

According to the U.S. Center for Disease Control, approximately 47% of teenagers in the U.S. engage in sexual intercourse. Of that 47%, 39% of them did not use a condom and 76% of them did not use birth control. 

Let’s turn our attention to where I currently reside, The Bahamas. Statistical information is not easily accessible but I was able to find some information related to teen pregnancy. According to an article written in the Nassau Guardian in 2011, The Bahamas was averaging about 700 teen pregnancies per year. I would venture to say that those numbers may even be higher as some of these teen pregnancies don’t get reported or are covered up by the teens family.

So now that we have the facts I think we can all easily conclude that teenagers are having sex. They are having it and they have no real understanding of sex and the responsibilities that come with it. Whose fault is it? The school? The church? The parents? I would say it is a combination of all three with the heaviest burden laying on the parents. Of all the topics parents must discuss with their children sex is the most difficult. Parents are afraid that if they give too much information their child will be more inclined to want to experiment with sex. If too little information is provided they will be ill equip to handle the subject when necessary.

What do I say? I say talk about sex as often and as plainly as you can. The older your child is the more specific you can be. A child as young as 5 can understand the birds and the bees at their developmental level. By age 8 you can speak to genitals by their name, penis and vagina. Get comfortable with saying it, that’s the biological name for them. By the time your child is 13 you need to be having regular talks about the responsibility they have over their body. You need to talk to boys about how to take care of their body and how to respect other people’s bodies. Girls need to understand how to take care of their body and also how to take ownership of their body.

In terms of sex you don’t necessarily have to sit down and have a one to two hour discussion about sex. It is an ongoing conversation. Earlier I spoke about talking with children about their body. Then you could follow that with a conversation about relationships such as boyfriend and girlfriend. Share your stories with them about mistakes you may have made as a teenager. For example, I shared with my daughter how this one particular boy in my school used to always ask to touch my butt. I told her how once I let him, he told all the boys in schools I was “easy.” That wasn’t true of course but I shared with her how if I had taken responsibility and ownership of my body I would not have allowed that to take place but I was more interested in him liking me. That opened up a great discussion on how important it is to like yourself before you seek the approval of others.

So talking about sex doesn’t necessarily mean talking about sex. It means talking about the components that lead to sex. Things to look out for. Peer pressure. Consequences of sex (pregnancy and disease). Abstinence until one is more responsible to handle the topic of sex. Waiting until marriage is a value I would like to instill in my daughters, however, I start with being responsible and move towards the most responsible and honorable choice being to wait until you are married. I share with them that our faith requires a commitment to share the gift of sex with your husband after you have exchanged vows. But just saying wait until you are married is not enough. It didn’t work for me and I want my daughters to have a solid foundation as to why they are waiting.

I encourage all parents to begin having these important conversations with your children as it relates to sex. It will help them to make more responsible choices with their bodies as well as empower them to not fall into the traps of societal pressure. I don’t want my children to be statistics so I have to educate them.

So get to talking folks cause sex is happening in the city and teenagers are doing it too.

Mrs. T