So today I witnessed a parent negotiating a bag of chips with her child. He appeared to be about 3-4 years old. Children at that age can terrorize parents with their constant whining and wanting for things they can’t or shouldn’t have. This particular parent said no but this little guy was having none of that. He used his Jedi toddler tantrum trips on her and wore her down. He walked away with not one but four bags of chips. As I witnessed this exchange I wished I could have told her that as parents WE DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS.
See children know how and when to test us and we as parents must remain strong and stand our ground. Yes it’s easier to just give in and stop the whining but in doing so you are handing over parental control to your child. That type of pattern will translate into an uncontrollable child who will not respect your parental authority because you given in after tantrums. Teenage tantrums come in the form of running away, out of control behavior at school, risky behaviors, etc.
What that parent should have said is no and kept it moving. You have got to develop the skill where you don’t hear that child begging for those chips. And if they continue you get on their level (kneel down – don’t do what I once did and throw an adult tantrum which worked but was quite over the top), let them know under no circumstances are you changing your mind and that’s it. But whatever you do DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS (insert smile). This child was apparently used to using that technique to get his way and get his way he did.
When my now 13 year old daughter was about 2 years old she decided to throw a tantrum in the grocery store (why do kids always pick the grocery store to lose their mind?). I responded by falling out next to her and kicking my legs while yelling “Why are you doing this to me!” at the top of my lungs. She looked at me like I was crazy and told me I shouldn’t be doing that. I responded to her that neither should she and if she doesn’t stop neither would I. That was the last time she through a tantrum. I don’t suggest anyone go to my extreme but the point is children test limits because they need boundaries. So you have to teach them at an early age that there are limits and boundaries and they will need to control themselves even when they are disappointed. It starts with small things like chips and ends with bigger things like attempted suicide following a bad breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend. I know I drew a sharp contrast however the point is you either raise a good centered responsible child or the world will have to deal with an out of control adult. Now is that fair?
Now go forth and remember: DO NOT NEGOTIATE WITH TERRORISTS.
Mrs. T
What did she say??? 